that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
