How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
