there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
