I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
