So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
