are you so shy because you have an std?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
