im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
