I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
