My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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