I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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