apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
