Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize