my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
