You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
