Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
