weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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