Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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