If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
