My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
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She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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