he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
