I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
