The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize