Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
