Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
