I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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