i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Sober January is a disaster.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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