If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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