We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
