I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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