i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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