Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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