nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Randomize