you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
