Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize