Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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