Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
