Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
