i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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