Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize