i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
