dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
