I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Help. Why am I so naked?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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