Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
