Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
