so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
