I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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