broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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