Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
