oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
