i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
