He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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