I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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