i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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