i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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