You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
