i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
someone owes me an orgasm
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I want to fling myself into the sun
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
