Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
