I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
