Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
