We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
