i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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