Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
