ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
