you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
