I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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