Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize