I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
